yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
