They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
