I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
