u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sober January is a disaster.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
