I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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