White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
