Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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