Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
