This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
