I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
