Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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