The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
