she was so not down for the gang bang
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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