So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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