He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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