I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
