toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
