okay pat passed out under dana's car
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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