Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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