I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
