i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
