his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My ass is underappreciated
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
