what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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