Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
