So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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