You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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