I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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