guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
