I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
