A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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