Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
