she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
