any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
