You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
