it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I just sharted jello shots
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
