Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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