yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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