i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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