Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
