definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
