Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
