I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
