i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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