No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
