I need to stop coming to work sober
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize