I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
