somebody snuck up and got me drunk
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
