I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
