Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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