Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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