I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
