I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize