Banned from zoo.
Again?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
