You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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