We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize