Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
