i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
