you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
