those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
