Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize