O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
