I am in a vortex of obligation.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
