I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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