Pappa wants mamma naked
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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