i just made my gag reflex go away.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And then he peed in my hair
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
