we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
