you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
