He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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