I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
