my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Two words: nipple clamps
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