my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
