3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
