We named our party play list daddy issues
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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