Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize