dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize