dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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