and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
