He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think your dad took our porno
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
